Why Emotional Intelligence Matters
In today’s modern age, we are often living in ways that keep us isolated and disconnected from those around us. We curate our lives on social media, striving to live up to the expectations of others while hiding behind the mask we have created. Eventually, we can become trapped in our own self-narrative. While there can be times where we are disappointed with what we see, rarely is anything done until mental health or substance use issues have surfaced, prompting a desire to change.
Before it becomes a problem, inattention to our feelings seems like an effective coping mechanism. It’s a way of survival, of dealing with discomfort. Learning to ‘shut down’ to our feelings begins typically because we are subject to an environment where that behavior is rewarded. The problem arises when we get older and are subject to new environments and those old methods for dealing with things no longer work for us. These patterns can become destructive and lead to aggression, depression, relationship difficulties or addiction.
Emotional Intelligence
Attention to our emotions is important, as they can be viewed as useful sources of information about oneself, others, and the world in which we live. An emotionally intelligent individual is highly conscious of their own emotional states and also able to identify and manage them. Those who have practiced those skills within themselves are also especially tuned in to the emotions of others. Sensitivity to emotional signals from within and from the social environment has the potential to make one a better friend, parent, leader, or romantic partner.
According to Salovey and Mayer, having emotional intelligence involves the development of four different aspects of emotional maturity:
Perceiving Emotions
Using Emotions for thinking or problem-solving
Understanding Emotions
Managing Emotions
A primary goal of improving emotional intelligence is to better understand yourself by recognizing and identifying emotions, understanding their message, and using this information to inform your thoughts and behavior. In addition, the goal of understanding others more deeply happens by acknowledging their emotions and relating to them in empathy, thus fostering greater social awareness.
Practices of an Emotionally Intelligent Person
Someone who is emotionally intelligent strives to do the following:
Stop & reflect
An emotionally intelligent person takes the time to pause, to think about their feelings, and complete an emotional inventory. They regularly check in with themselves, are aware of their typical patterns of dysfunctional thoughts, and work to exercise thought control over their minds.
When experiencing intense emotions, and in managing them, an emotionally intelligent person will employ mindfulness practices that encourage identifying and labeling the emotions, expressing curiosity about their origin, and practicing nonattachment to them.
Express one’s authentic self
Flowing from one’s ability to know their own self, those with emotional maturity take steps to express themselves in healthy ways: through words, art, music, journaling, and even in their demonstrations of empathy, and solidarity with others.
When they are triggered by others, instead of acting out in frustration or blame, they take inventory of themselves to ensure they communicate directly, empathically, from a place of self-awareness.
Desire to succeed & to help others succeed
Those who are confident in their own future are not intimidated by the success of others, and work alongside them and even help along the way. They praise others, give helpful feedback, and allow for constructive criticism to influence them positively.
Apologize & move on
Emotionally Intelligent persons are able to own up to their mistakes, seek forgiveness, and to move on with their lives. They neither fixate on their own failings or the shortcomings of others and move forward believing in a better day for tomorrow.
Keeps commitments to self & others
Those who have developed their emotional maturity are dependable and have proven reliability in showing up for themselves and others. They have learned to be adaptable, to overcome obstacles, and have the flexibility of mind to consider alternative options.
Getting in touch with how we feel, understanding it, and sharing that knowledge with others is a primary task of recovery, and truly is a crucial antidote to falling prey to relapse. Not only that, but exercising emotional intelligence is also truly an antidote to loneliness and disconnection from others as well.
